Why You’re Not Good at Self-Care (And How to Start Being)



Self-care is essential!

Maybe, just maybe, you’re already tired of hearing people say that. There’s nothing more frustrating than hearing others say something you already know, but have trouble achieving.

All of that stands – there’s no love like self-love.

Love yourself first, so that you can love everyone else better. Take care of your own needs first, and then focus on others. All of those sayings ring very true, but probably bounce off your ears like worn-out cliches. If you ask around, you’ll find many women telling you they desperately want to reach that level of self-care and self-love, but it can be hard. Many variables play into this, such as lack of time, or too many other life worries…

But in truth, we tend to use those as excuses.

As a shield against people who try to tell us those cliches. In our minds, we immediately get defensive and start telling ourselves we do our best considering how much time we have, how many other responsibilities we have… But we never stop to think about another possible reason, buried deep in our subconscious.

We don’t love ourselves enough to focus on self-care.

It’s something most of us are guilty of. You don’t believe in yourself, and maybe subconsciously, you might even believe you don’t deserve self-care or self-love.

So since you believe you’re not worthy of all this love, you give it out to others freely and without judgment, full of acceptance and patience… But how come we can never extend that same love to ourselves?

We’ve all been there.

We’ve all forgotten how or why we should love ourselves. We forgot that all these wounds we have are battle scars, that show us just how much we’re capable of: the strength, love, compassion, patience, and forgiveness that are already hidden inside of us. It’s only a matter of becoming aware that you deserve that same love, that same strength, and compassion that you have shown to everyone else.

You deserve it.

Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise. Stop making up excuses like ‘Oh but I really don’t because…’. Stop trying to push away the good feelings just because you’re so used to the bad. You’ve lived, loved and lost… and you’ve been through a lot. You’re doing the best you can.

You deserve your love.

You really, really, deserve it.

Are you feeling self-love yet? If you’re still having self-doubts, take a look at our blog on finding your way back to you.

Now, let’s dive into some self-care details….

First, let’s get one thing straight. You DO have enough time for self-care.

You have the exact same amount of hours in the day as everyone else, which means that if someone else can do it, you can do it too! The true problem is, that you’re so busy. You have so much to do. So many worries on your mind. So many people to take care of. And you just don’t have the motivation to spend some time focusing on just you. Well, it’s time to change that.

Let’s start with something fun and essential.


What does that mean exactly?

Well, humans can be creatures of habit. Sometimes that can cause problems, but in reality, you need some kind of routine in life to feel stable and balanced. The ideal would be to be able to create a morning, mid-day, and evening ritual, but let’s start with baby steps!

Choose a time of day when you know you can spare a bit of time for yourself.

Once you’ve done that, it’s time to choose some activities that are important to you. For example, it can be drinking your morning coffee or tea while reading a few pages of your favorite book. It can be trying out a new meditation you’ve heard of. It can be taking up yoga classes.

Maybe it’s taking a morning walk to work and listening to your favorite music. Or maybe, it’s something as simple as cooking your favorite meal, instead of others’ favorites.

The main point is, it needs to be something you do for yourself and it needs to relax you.

Recharge you. Give you those few moments of peace where you’re not worrying about everything but are actually in the moment.


Once you have your small self-care rituals that will get you through the day, it’s time to make a long-term plan as well.

Self-care isn’t just sleeping in one day or exercising every so often. It’s making sure you get to do what makes you feel better and recharges you, not what everyone else tells you self-care is. It comes in a lot of shapes and forms, including things you might have previously considered a waste of time or pampering.

Think about what you really need in life that’s missing.

Do you work at a desk job? Maybe you’re in real need of a massage. Spend most of your days indoors? A walk in nature might do you good! Think of what can truly make a difference for you, even the little things, and make a plan on when you can best fit these things in your lifestyle.


We all feel like we need to do everything perfectly, or just not do it at all, which is why oftentimes we opt to not do it at all.

Life isn’t about being perfect.

In fact, nothing in nature is perfect. It all has little flaws and differences. So, why do we still enforce this idea that things just need to be done perfectly, when really, there is no such thing as perfection.

Let go of the unnecessary pressure from society, and allow yourself room to make mistakes. Once you accept that you might not do things perfectly, but that doesn’t make them less worth doing, you’ll feel a huge burden fall from your chest and be happier going through your day-to-day.


Doing just one thing you truly love and are doing for no other reason than that, can make a huge difference in your everyday life.

That’s why, for true balance in life, you need a hobby!

You don’t even have to commit to doing it on a daily basis. Squeeze it in twice a week, or just on the weekends. Maybe you used to love arts and crafts but stopped doing it to make time for other things like grocery shopping or cleaning the house. Maybe you really love writing but have been struggling with your muse. Maybe you used to be a rockstar with the guitar, but you can’t remember the last time you touched the cords.

Make time for what makes you happy!

It’s not a waste of time, it’s necessary to bring balance to your life. Just give it a try, and we promise you’ll start feeling more fulfilled and less stressed.


Not just things or feelings, but people as well.

We all have those loved ones that drain us more than any work or responsibility ever could. Just one word from them and we’re in a pool of self-doubt and self-loathing, which is wrong. Since we’re already our own worst enemy, you don’t need people that will make you feel even worse about yourself.

Sometimes, you just need to draw a line.

Face those people with some harsh reality – they’re toxic, and they need to change if they want to stay a part of your life. Do the same with your own negative emotions. When you feel those dark corners of your mind reaching out towards you, don’t just allow the darkness to take you but rather shine a light. Be your own cheerleader in times of darkness.

Put yourself first, for once.

In the end, there isn’t just one way to practice self-care. Self-care is personal, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach and people will find importance in different areas of their life. Even though the approach is personal, there’s one thing that rings true for everyone.

Self-care is about making time for the person that truly deserves it – yourself!